Wow!! It has been 3 months since my last blog... haha... sounds like.. Forgive me Father.. It has been 3 months since my last confession!! LOL!
A Holiday season and a New Year has flown by and so much has happened!
Though the holidays were difficult this year as I wasn't able to spend them with family God still blessed me in many ways and taught me so much through it all! I used to think I could do without family and community. Yet through this move He reminds me how much I miss those close to me and need that friendship, fellowship and accountability!
God has graciously supplied me with two wonderful jobs! I started at Family Christian Store in November and worked right through the holidays as that was our busiest time of year! It is always great to help others find just the right book for themselves or others, hear what God is doing in others lives and be a smiling face for someone who is struggling!
In mid-January, God knew that the hours at the bookstore wouldn't provide for all of my financial needs so He provided the most AMAZING job! I am a nanny for a family here in Columbia. It has been an awesome experience to get to know the family and have them get to know me for who I am and who I was.
After much prompting from the Lord about letting Tammy, my employer for the nanny position, know about my past and the places God has brought me from I wrote her a letter concerning it all. What I expected was condemnation and a lose of job... what I received was so far from that!! Just like Jesus casts our sins as far as the East is from the West, Tammy showed God's unconditional love and grace, knowing that we all have a past and only by God's mercy are not there any longer! I have been welcomed into their home with open arms and so much love! I get to in turn provide love and care for their precious youngest child, Izzy. She is a joy, so smart and inquisitive and I love working with her! God showed me just like in one of my previous posts that when we hide our testimonies from others that God's light can't shine through our lives to show others God's unconditional love, grace and mercies!!
This Sunday I went to a church that for personal reasons have struggled with going to... but God really wanted me there and I am so glad I listened to Him! The pastor was teaching on Super Success in our lives. His verse he taught from was 2 Tim. 3:10-17 which says....
" 10 You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance, 11 persecutions, sufferings—what kinds of things happened to me in Antioch, Iconium and Lystra, the persecutions I endured. Yet the Lord rescued me from all of them. 12 In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, 13 while evildoers and impostors will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. 14 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, 15 and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God[a] may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
His points were as follow....
To be Successful~~~
1) We must know what success looks like in God's eyes.
"In fact, all those who want to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted."
So many times when people come to Jesus its with the assumption that their life will now be problem free and they will live this perfect life! Let me be the first to say that this is sooooo not true! I have seen and found more instances than not that when I am in the center of God's will for my life I have more opposition and trouble from the Devil than when I am doing my own thing.
Living a Godly life includes:
1) Applying God's word to my life.
"But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, 15 and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus."
When we continue to grow through going to a Spirit filled and bible teaching church, grow in our own knowledge of the scriptures and then become wise through faith in Christ Jesus then we..
2) Trust God's word as truth!
" All scripture is God- breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."
While working at the Christian bookstore, I am learning that there are a lot of books out there that may be leaving out some VERY key biblical principles!! Yet in the verse above we can be assured that if we fill ourselves with the scripture that they are God breathed and useful! So many times as Christians we want to be taught by a Pastor what we should or should not believe or think that some self- help book will give us all the answers we need to correct our lives.... WE ARE LOOKING IN THE WRONG PLACE!! God has promised us that its all right in there if we will only seek it out... He also warns us in verse 13 that evildoers and impostors will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived! I don't know about you but I don't want to be one of the ones being deceived and follow along on a path that doesn't lead to Jesus, the cross and ultimately heaven!
Lastly... if we are trusting God's word as truth then we will...
3) Allow God's word Authority to have its way in you.
This is where I want to be!! I want to believe that what I read in the scriptures are from God and God alone... that He will use them in my life to teach me, rebuke me, correct me and train me in righteousness! As I continue to turn to Him for my every need and thank Him each and every time He provides for my needs I will then grow in my knowledge of Him as my Perfect father and provider! I won't seek those things in anyone but Him! Lord willing... through this I will learn to be a blessing to others and able to shine Jesus' light to as many as possible!
So... At the beginning of this post I prayed that God would use me to write out what He wanted said and I hope that has happened...
I look forward to growing in Him, knowing that there will be persecutions in this life when living for Him, yet trusting Him through it all!!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Monday, November 1, 2010
My Ultimate Dream Job!!
So after many close calls and much disappointment on the job front I was praying today and felt that God wanted me to write down and share what my ultimate dream job would be...
It is a HUGE dream but I also know that I have a HUGE Heavenly Father that loves me and has instilled these desires...
Psalms 37:3-7
" 3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
And your judgment as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him!"
That is an amazing promise but some times I forget that in those verses there is something that WE have to do.... He will be faithful in giving us the desires of our hearts if we DELIGHT ourselves in the LORD! Other translations say if we abide in Him...
So what does it look like to abide or delight in the Lord?
Am I trusting Him with my everything?
Am I loving Him with my whole heart?
Am I treating Him like my first love? Delighting in knowing each and every aspect of my lover?
We as humans are so quick to point the finger at God and say that he is not faithful because He's not giving us the desires of our heart.... But are we doing our part???
So I am finally going to reveal my deepest desire and know that it is safe in His hands!
My dream job would be opening a International giftshop/ Christian Coffeehouse.... the details came spilling out of me today!
This said coffee house would minister not only to this city but to the nations!
It would have international gifts from all over the world for sale where the majority of the proceeds would go back to the individuals who made them to help make a better life for them. I would want to focus on finding orphanages or women's shelters all over the world that make these gifts so that in turn their lives could be helped.
I would have fair trade coffee at this coffeehouse so that it would help foreign lands and the hard working individuals who work so hard in the fields to harvest the coffee that we drink up.
I desire art and photography from local artist displayed w/ the possibility of it being for sale. This to help christian artist who God has blessed with an amazing talent show case the gift.
I would desire a building big enough to have a room designated as the art studio where artist could come and work on their gifting and learn more through classes.
I want a coffee house that would be open to local christian musical artist to be able to perform and give God the glory for the work He does in their lives.
I aspire to have a coffeehouse that will be an alternative to our college age students in the area that look for things to do on the weekends other than the life of drinking and partying.
I pray for a building that would be large enough to have a halfway house for women on the second floor. A place for women who have made mistakes but praise the Lord for His amazing grace and love. To have this place where they have a roof over their heads and a job they will give God the glory and the recidivism rate would go down to 0% because they would have no need to go back to that life with their needs met. I would interview each candidate, pre-release, to see that she truly had a life changing moment in prison and truly gave her life, heart and love to God. I would also desire a way for them to either continue their education or just learn more about the God that saved them from their life.
I would desire a place where I could use my mom's amazing recipes and knowledge to make whole, nutritious "goodies" to sell at the coffeehouse. Pray for a place that has a nice, functional industrial kitchen that would allow for things to be made there.
Some one with a business mind to come along side and help with the numbers and business aspects that I am not familiar with.
Several "backers" who see the vision and are willing to lay down money, knowing that it is God's money and endeavor and He alone will make it prosper!
So after many years cherishing these things in my heart I finally share it with you!
Who knows if it will ever come to pass but God?
The best part about that is He is GOD and knows all!!! And has the power to make it happen if He so desires!
And so....
I will wait patiently on Him!
It is a HUGE dream but I also know that I have a HUGE Heavenly Father that loves me and has instilled these desires...
Psalms 37:3-7
" 3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
And your judgment as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him!"
That is an amazing promise but some times I forget that in those verses there is something that WE have to do.... He will be faithful in giving us the desires of our hearts if we DELIGHT ourselves in the LORD! Other translations say if we abide in Him...
So what does it look like to abide or delight in the Lord?
Am I trusting Him with my everything?
Am I loving Him with my whole heart?
Am I treating Him like my first love? Delighting in knowing each and every aspect of my lover?
We as humans are so quick to point the finger at God and say that he is not faithful because He's not giving us the desires of our heart.... But are we doing our part???
So I am finally going to reveal my deepest desire and know that it is safe in His hands!
My dream job would be opening a International giftshop/ Christian Coffeehouse.... the details came spilling out of me today!
This said coffee house would minister not only to this city but to the nations!
It would have international gifts from all over the world for sale where the majority of the proceeds would go back to the individuals who made them to help make a better life for them. I would want to focus on finding orphanages or women's shelters all over the world that make these gifts so that in turn their lives could be helped.
I would have fair trade coffee at this coffeehouse so that it would help foreign lands and the hard working individuals who work so hard in the fields to harvest the coffee that we drink up.
I desire art and photography from local artist displayed w/ the possibility of it being for sale. This to help christian artist who God has blessed with an amazing talent show case the gift.
I would desire a building big enough to have a room designated as the art studio where artist could come and work on their gifting and learn more through classes.
I want a coffee house that would be open to local christian musical artist to be able to perform and give God the glory for the work He does in their lives.
I aspire to have a coffeehouse that will be an alternative to our college age students in the area that look for things to do on the weekends other than the life of drinking and partying.
I pray for a building that would be large enough to have a halfway house for women on the second floor. A place for women who have made mistakes but praise the Lord for His amazing grace and love. To have this place where they have a roof over their heads and a job they will give God the glory and the recidivism rate would go down to 0% because they would have no need to go back to that life with their needs met. I would interview each candidate, pre-release, to see that she truly had a life changing moment in prison and truly gave her life, heart and love to God. I would also desire a way for them to either continue their education or just learn more about the God that saved them from their life.
I would desire a place where I could use my mom's amazing recipes and knowledge to make whole, nutritious "goodies" to sell at the coffeehouse. Pray for a place that has a nice, functional industrial kitchen that would allow for things to be made there.
Some one with a business mind to come along side and help with the numbers and business aspects that I am not familiar with.
Several "backers" who see the vision and are willing to lay down money, knowing that it is God's money and endeavor and He alone will make it prosper!
So after many years cherishing these things in my heart I finally share it with you!
Who knows if it will ever come to pass but God?
The best part about that is He is GOD and knows all!!! And has the power to make it happen if He so desires!
And so....
I will wait patiently on Him!
Monday, October 11, 2010
When is the past really the past??
Gods Redemptive Love!
Since I have recently moved to South Carolina I have had many struggles and God has been working in my life a lot. I am learning more and more what this verse means in my life...
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
Wow! I had written those words in my missions support letter for India in 2008 and they still have soooooooo much meaning in my life even today!
I have been struggling with a past that is never quite in the past. Though I know I am forgiven and free in Jesus name according to society I am still a felon.... this may come as a surprise to some that know me and yet others who have walked the path of life with me know that it was a very rebellious sad time in my life! I have tried to hide it many times as people who don't understand where I came from have tried to use it against me... but I am sick of hiding!
God can not be glorified if I hide my light... my story.... can He?
Luke 8:16
"No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light.
When I was 19 years old, I was a wayward rebellious young woman that was looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places. I was with a drug dealing ex-boyfriend when he and his friend carried out an armed robbery against 3 gentlemen that I had been acquainted with. Due to the men knowing me, I was then arrest the next day. I spent 108 days in the county jail, 90 days in prison and on probation for 2 years after the incident. At that time in Waterloo, Iowa the DA personally told my court appointed lawyer that he was going to make an example of me to the people. He was going to show what happens when a white woman gets taken advantage of by a black man running from the law ( a chicago thug). He stated that this was happening to much in Waterloo and He was going to send a message to overweight white women who dated men of color and/or questionable character so that they knew that the DA's office would no longer be lenient towards these women. I had surrendered my life back to God in a solitary confinement cell on my 104 day in jail. I cried out to God and told him I was so sorry for rebelling and told Him that I surrendered all. Four days later God provided a miracle and I was able to get out on pre-trial release.
When I was first arrested my charge was 1st degree Armed Robbery as the guys that I was with told me that they would have alibis and I would be the one going down for this. Twenty-five years of my life! The charge carried a 22 year manditory! I knew that I couldn't get myself out of this and though I had made the mistake of being with the wrong people I was the one being punished. God was so gracious and saw my repentant heart. The day that I got out of jail I attended a small group that had been praying for me during my time in jail. They were an encouragement and support to me.
God accomplished so much in my life during this pre-trial release so when I met with my lawyer and he told me what the DA was offering for a plea bargain I was so mad and hurt. The DA's plea bargain was what they call a 90 day shock with a sentence that added up to 25 years, theft 1st, burglary 2nd and Extortion. If at any time during this "shock" period I did anything to get in trouble or responded the wrong way to an inmate that attempted to cause problems I would then have to serve the full term of 25 years.
I questioned God... Why do I have to go back?! I have changed my life!
And His still small voice said, " I know and I am proud of you. There are consequences to actions though and I am not finished with this. I have more for you to learn..."
So knowing I was in God's hands I willingly submitted to the plea bargain and turned myself back over to the Waterloo Police Department. During intake, a corrections officer asked if I had considered running during the time between court and when I had to surrender myself? I looked at him puzzled as if he had asked the strangest question ever. I replied, "No! They would just catch me and then I wouldn't get just the 90 days but the 25 years when they caught me!" He just laughed. A few days into my intake I found out why he had laughed.... No one that any one knew had actually gotten their 90 days. Either they messed it up for themselves or if they had truly changed someone else that was incarcerated would attempt to mess it up for them. My next miracle was that not only was I granted my 90 days but a judge ruled that I could get out 2 weeks early due to my mom's persistence and hard work! During this whole ordeal my mom was my biggest cheerleader! She was my bull dog when it came to hounding my lawyer and she was my biggest prayer warrior!
As Paul would say...
"But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life."
I have spent the last 10 years changing my life and working hard to be a better person. I have volunteered in India at an orphanage, worked at a not-for-profit assisting individuals with disabilities and volunteered in many various aspects. I have soooooo many people who could attest to all the changes my life has produced over the past 10 years.
I had paid my "debt" to society when I completed the jail/ prison/ probation and restitution however I find in my life a constant struggle and feeling that the past is never the past. Any time that I look for employment that would better my life and build up my resume my back ground comes back to haunt me. I dream of the day that I can go into an interview confident that the past is just that, the past, and a future employer will look at the great things I have accomplished wanting me to complete their company with my skills. And the government wonders why the recidivism rate is out of control! People are never truly given a second chance by society or employers often but even years later still has a shadow over their head of past mistakes!
Is there any way that I can get this accomplished? My dream job would be to advocate for people who have a past that they may not be proud of, a God who has changed their lives completely and a hope for a future they can be proud of!
I am currently job hunting as I have recently relocated to Columbia, South Carolina and every turn I make I am getting turned down for a job based solely on my background check and finger printing. I had been offered a position as a supervisor in a house for UCP ( United Cerebral Palsy) and knew that it would be a great fit for me to be able to take the things I had learned for the last 2 years of employment working with people with disabilities. Yet due to me not having a valid SC Drivers license and not being able to successfully pass a background and fingerprinting they retracted their offer and didn't even allow a chance for explanation on my part. In NY State I was cleared by the OMRDD (Office of Mental Retardation and Developmental Disabilities) and given a chance to prove myself worthy to be a part of the agency The ARC of Steuben... however this new company down here would not even budge or consider the life changes I have made.
SO.....
I have created a petition by emailing the Governor of Iowa, the US Government and any one else that can help in my cause to have a mistake that happened 10 years ago no longer hinder my future!
I want to be able to be an example of God's amazing grace, love, protection and favor... I want to be able to be an encouragement to others who may not have a perfect past to know that there is a God who loves them so much He sent His only Son to die for their sins!
There has got to be a hope and a future for people who look in their past and wonder how there could possibly be any hope!
These experiences have been a constant thorn yet I know that just like the first verse I put on here states that my sufferings are not in vain but they have brought about a character and a hope that I would not have had if I had not been through all the trials. Not to give room or permission to sin but to know that God is a God of redemption and love!
Since I have recently moved to South Carolina I have had many struggles and God has been working in my life a lot. I am learning more and more what this verse means in my life...
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
Wow! I had written those words in my missions support letter for India in 2008 and they still have soooooooo much meaning in my life even today!
I have been struggling with a past that is never quite in the past. Though I know I am forgiven and free in Jesus name according to society I am still a felon.... this may come as a surprise to some that know me and yet others who have walked the path of life with me know that it was a very rebellious sad time in my life! I have tried to hide it many times as people who don't understand where I came from have tried to use it against me... but I am sick of hiding!
God can not be glorified if I hide my light... my story.... can He?
Luke 8:16
"No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light.
When I was 19 years old, I was a wayward rebellious young woman that was looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places. I was with a drug dealing ex-boyfriend when he and his friend carried out an armed robbery against 3 gentlemen that I had been acquainted with. Due to the men knowing me, I was then arrest the next day. I spent 108 days in the county jail, 90 days in prison and on probation for 2 years after the incident. At that time in Waterloo, Iowa the DA personally told my court appointed lawyer that he was going to make an example of me to the people. He was going to show what happens when a white woman gets taken advantage of by a black man running from the law ( a chicago thug). He stated that this was happening to much in Waterloo and He was going to send a message to overweight white women who dated men of color and/or questionable character so that they knew that the DA's office would no longer be lenient towards these women. I had surrendered my life back to God in a solitary confinement cell on my 104 day in jail. I cried out to God and told him I was so sorry for rebelling and told Him that I surrendered all. Four days later God provided a miracle and I was able to get out on pre-trial release.
When I was first arrested my charge was 1st degree Armed Robbery as the guys that I was with told me that they would have alibis and I would be the one going down for this. Twenty-five years of my life! The charge carried a 22 year manditory! I knew that I couldn't get myself out of this and though I had made the mistake of being with the wrong people I was the one being punished. God was so gracious and saw my repentant heart. The day that I got out of jail I attended a small group that had been praying for me during my time in jail. They were an encouragement and support to me.
God accomplished so much in my life during this pre-trial release so when I met with my lawyer and he told me what the DA was offering for a plea bargain I was so mad and hurt. The DA's plea bargain was what they call a 90 day shock with a sentence that added up to 25 years, theft 1st, burglary 2nd and Extortion. If at any time during this "shock" period I did anything to get in trouble or responded the wrong way to an inmate that attempted to cause problems I would then have to serve the full term of 25 years.
I questioned God... Why do I have to go back?! I have changed my life!
And His still small voice said, " I know and I am proud of you. There are consequences to actions though and I am not finished with this. I have more for you to learn..."
So knowing I was in God's hands I willingly submitted to the plea bargain and turned myself back over to the Waterloo Police Department. During intake, a corrections officer asked if I had considered running during the time between court and when I had to surrender myself? I looked at him puzzled as if he had asked the strangest question ever. I replied, "No! They would just catch me and then I wouldn't get just the 90 days but the 25 years when they caught me!" He just laughed. A few days into my intake I found out why he had laughed.... No one that any one knew had actually gotten their 90 days. Either they messed it up for themselves or if they had truly changed someone else that was incarcerated would attempt to mess it up for them. My next miracle was that not only was I granted my 90 days but a judge ruled that I could get out 2 weeks early due to my mom's persistence and hard work! During this whole ordeal my mom was my biggest cheerleader! She was my bull dog when it came to hounding my lawyer and she was my biggest prayer warrior!
As Paul would say...
"But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life."
I have spent the last 10 years changing my life and working hard to be a better person. I have volunteered in India at an orphanage, worked at a not-for-profit assisting individuals with disabilities and volunteered in many various aspects. I have soooooo many people who could attest to all the changes my life has produced over the past 10 years.
I had paid my "debt" to society when I completed the jail/ prison/ probation and restitution however I find in my life a constant struggle and feeling that the past is never the past. Any time that I look for employment that would better my life and build up my resume my back ground comes back to haunt me. I dream of the day that I can go into an interview confident that the past is just that, the past, and a future employer will look at the great things I have accomplished wanting me to complete their company with my skills. And the government wonders why the recidivism rate is out of control! People are never truly given a second chance by society or employers often but even years later still has a shadow over their head of past mistakes!
Is there any way that I can get this accomplished? My dream job would be to advocate for people who have a past that they may not be proud of, a God who has changed their lives completely and a hope for a future they can be proud of!
I am currently job hunting as I have recently relocated to Columbia, South Carolina and every turn I make I am getting turned down for a job based solely on my background check and finger printing. I had been offered a position as a supervisor in a house for UCP ( United Cerebral Palsy) and knew that it would be a great fit for me to be able to take the things I had learned for the last 2 years of employment working with people with disabilities. Yet due to me not having a valid SC Drivers license and not being able to successfully pass a background and fingerprinting they retracted their offer and didn't even allow a chance for explanation on my part. In NY State I was cleared by the OMRDD (Office of Mental Retardation and Developmental Disabilities) and given a chance to prove myself worthy to be a part of the agency The ARC of Steuben... however this new company down here would not even budge or consider the life changes I have made.
SO.....
I have created a petition by emailing the Governor of Iowa, the US Government and any one else that can help in my cause to have a mistake that happened 10 years ago no longer hinder my future!
I want to be able to be an example of God's amazing grace, love, protection and favor... I want to be able to be an encouragement to others who may not have a perfect past to know that there is a God who loves them so much He sent His only Son to die for their sins!
There has got to be a hope and a future for people who look in their past and wonder how there could possibly be any hope!
These experiences have been a constant thorn yet I know that just like the first verse I put on here states that my sufferings are not in vain but they have brought about a character and a hope that I would not have had if I had not been through all the trials. Not to give room or permission to sin but to know that God is a God of redemption and love!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
God's Wildflowers
So this blog has been a thought process that has been on my mind for about a month now... Since this last month has been absolutely crazy for me I am finally taking the time to sit down and write it out... Lord willing it will flow the way that He wants it to!
Most of my thoughts for blogs come when driving and you have no way to write them down... luckily I thought of my cell phone and how it has the recorder on it and so now hopefully when driving and thoughts catapult there way into my mind I will have a way to remember them!
But I digress.... the thought that I had while driving was how beautiful God has lined the roads with beautiful wildflowers! Matthew 6 has always been one of my favorite chapters, primarily the last 5-7 verses. I was looking through the translations to find which one I wanted to put in here and read The Message translation... which isn't one I usually read but really spoke something to me...
~Matthew 6:30-33~
30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. "
WOW!!! I know that I know this concept in my head but reading it show's me how far I have to go to get to the point where I fully trust God with my life and know that if He cares about making the hills pretty with wildflowers how much more He wants to sprinkle my life with His beautiful touches!
When driving I also thought about how fleeting the wildflowers are. During the spring there were these beautiful purple and white flowers that were distributed perfectly along side the road by God himself... As the days grew warmer the flowers withered away and I found myself wistful, wishing that they could stay around forever! I reasoned that now the rest of the summer would go by with no wildflowers along the road leaving just sun burnt grass and remnants of what was once beautiful... Man was I wrong!!! God has a better plan than that and I began seeing it unfold over the next couple weeks as stronger, heartier wildflowers slowly poked their heads out from their hiding place, basking in the warm summer sun! I was overjoyed at the idea that God knew what wildflowers should come out for the different seasons and how He even cared about that!
Which brought me to my life lesson....
Have you ever held on to something in your life thinking that it was "as good as it got" when God was telling you to let it go? I have!
Have you ever worried about the future and wondered how things were going to work out, everything so uncertain? I have!
Just like I wanted to hold on to those spring wildflowers because I didn't see the future and know that God had summer wildflowers waiting in the wing, I have held on to people, places and things, thinking that there would be nothing to replace them... that this was as good as it got.
Or... have you ever had a dream or ambition that you were looking forward to and God was telling you "not right now"? I have....
Did you repeatedly plead with God to reveal His plan but secretly worried about what that plan might be and fearful that it doesn't line up with what you want for your life? I definitely have!!
Eight months ago I had my own beautiful apartment... had an ok job that had its ups and downs but could be very fulfilling at times... had a church home that I was starting to get to know people... had my little group of good friends... had my mom right in the next town and there for me when ever I needed.
In one month of looking back over India pictures to prepare a presentation of my trip in 2008 sent my world spiraling out of control! I prayed and pleaded with God that I might go back for a year and work at another orphanage. I moved in with my mom to save money and pay off bills... Things with India kept falling through... I wanted to leave by August yet things weren't falling into place... then my mom met someone... and God revealed that my India trip wasn't a no... just a not right now! I wouldn't have been here for it all had I left when I planned! Thank God He knows the plans that we don't! And then some how... it still baffles me how God works!... I have the opportunity to move down to South Carolina for a season and spend quality time with my brother during his last year of college!
If someone would have told me a year ago that all these things would unfold I don't know if I would have believed them!
But God knew!
And He so graciously asks for the wildflowers of our lives that we are clinging to even as they wither away in our hands...
He says open your hands so that I can give you new stronger wildflowers (dreams and ambitions)!
He wants to bless our lives so much and show us how many amazing things He has in store for those who love Him!
He has better dreams and plans than we could even ask or fathom, He is just waiting for us to say...
Your will not mine!
When driving I also thought about how fleeting the wildflowers are. During the spring there were these beautiful purple and white flowers that were distributed perfectly along side the road by God himself... As the days grew warmer the flowers withered away and I found myself wistful, wishing that they could stay around forever! I reasoned that now the rest of the summer would go by with no wildflowers along the road leaving just sun burnt grass and remnants of what was once beautiful... Man was I wrong!!! God has a better plan than that and I began seeing it unfold over the next couple weeks as stronger, heartier wildflowers slowly poked their heads out from their hiding place, basking in the warm summer sun! I was overjoyed at the idea that God knew what wildflowers should come out for the different seasons and how He even cared about that!
Which brought me to my life lesson....
Have you ever held on to something in your life thinking that it was "as good as it got" when God was telling you to let it go? I have!
Have you ever worried about the future and wondered how things were going to work out, everything so uncertain? I have!
Just like I wanted to hold on to those spring wildflowers because I didn't see the future and know that God had summer wildflowers waiting in the wing, I have held on to people, places and things, thinking that there would be nothing to replace them... that this was as good as it got.
Or... have you ever had a dream or ambition that you were looking forward to and God was telling you "not right now"? I have....
Did you repeatedly plead with God to reveal His plan but secretly worried about what that plan might be and fearful that it doesn't line up with what you want for your life? I definitely have!!
Eight months ago I had my own beautiful apartment... had an ok job that had its ups and downs but could be very fulfilling at times... had a church home that I was starting to get to know people... had my little group of good friends... had my mom right in the next town and there for me when ever I needed.
In one month of looking back over India pictures to prepare a presentation of my trip in 2008 sent my world spiraling out of control! I prayed and pleaded with God that I might go back for a year and work at another orphanage. I moved in with my mom to save money and pay off bills... Things with India kept falling through... I wanted to leave by August yet things weren't falling into place... then my mom met someone... and God revealed that my India trip wasn't a no... just a not right now! I wouldn't have been here for it all had I left when I planned! Thank God He knows the plans that we don't! And then some how... it still baffles me how God works!... I have the opportunity to move down to South Carolina for a season and spend quality time with my brother during his last year of college!
If someone would have told me a year ago that all these things would unfold I don't know if I would have believed them!
But God knew!
And He so graciously asks for the wildflowers of our lives that we are clinging to even as they wither away in our hands...
He says open your hands so that I can give you new stronger wildflowers (dreams and ambitions)!
He wants to bless our lives so much and show us how many amazing things He has in store for those who love Him!
He has better dreams and plans than we could even ask or fathom, He is just waiting for us to say...
Your will not mine!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Why do we hide our struggles?
So I think this blogging may become addicting! Only day 2 and I have been thinking about so many different things I have wanted to write about!
After a very exhausting week emotional and physically at work I was so ready to throw in the towel and just not do anything today! I didn't want to talk to any one or see any one.
Though the solitude today was nice I knew that I was falling into one of the devils many traps so I text my friend and we planned a little time together! And on my way to a dear friends I thought about how the devil gets us to feel that way. We begin thinking that we are the only ones going through difficult or challenging times! He wants us so isolated that we think no one else in the world could be feeling what we are.
On my way over to her house as I was driving I could see this huge ominous, gray cloud over the town of Bath ( kinda like the cloud over Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh stories) It wasn't raining, just hovering over the town like an oppressed, sad spirit... YET to the West I could see the sunset!! And though this cloud was there and you could feel it the sun was still shining on the town filling it with light! It was so beautiful to me and it showed me something!
There are times in our lives when it feels like our life is weighing down on us and that this oppression won't go away. Like we are the only ones that can feel it... Its dark and it keeps us immobile... Its like that cloud... We feel that there is this little rain cloud over us that just won't rain and won't go away! YET... instead of looking straight up at the cloud... if you look into the distance you can see the SONset! He wants to light up your life and show you the way! He is there waiting for us to look and see the light guiding our every step!
So... the last thing I was struggling with is... why do we not want to share with others our struggles or what God has brought us through?!
So many Christians I have observed try to sweep under the rug the tough times... put on their smiles for church... and tell everyone they are "Fine!"
Isn't it in our weakness that God is strong and glorified?!
Isn't it in the trials that we learn the most?
Isn't it in the hard times that we grow into the person that God is shaping us to be?
Why then would we want to hide that from others?
God has put us here to come together and share in each others joys and sorrows... our laughter and tears... our ups and downs... our times of famine and our times of feast! God gave us friendships to help us to see that we are not alone in this world! And that your friend might be going through the same exact think that you have. If we hide the struggle we loose out on blessing that friend with encouragement and love! We miss out on crying on each others shoulder and knowing we are not alone! We miss out on opportunities to laugh together til our sides hurt! And most important we miss out on building lasting relationships that edify the Lord!
After a very exhausting week emotional and physically at work I was so ready to throw in the towel and just not do anything today! I didn't want to talk to any one or see any one.
Though the solitude today was nice I knew that I was falling into one of the devils many traps so I text my friend and we planned a little time together! And on my way to a dear friends I thought about how the devil gets us to feel that way. We begin thinking that we are the only ones going through difficult or challenging times! He wants us so isolated that we think no one else in the world could be feeling what we are.
On my way over to her house as I was driving I could see this huge ominous, gray cloud over the town of Bath ( kinda like the cloud over Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh stories) It wasn't raining, just hovering over the town like an oppressed, sad spirit... YET to the West I could see the sunset!! And though this cloud was there and you could feel it the sun was still shining on the town filling it with light! It was so beautiful to me and it showed me something!
There are times in our lives when it feels like our life is weighing down on us and that this oppression won't go away. Like we are the only ones that can feel it... Its dark and it keeps us immobile... Its like that cloud... We feel that there is this little rain cloud over us that just won't rain and won't go away! YET... instead of looking straight up at the cloud... if you look into the distance you can see the SONset! He wants to light up your life and show you the way! He is there waiting for us to look and see the light guiding our every step!
So... the last thing I was struggling with is... why do we not want to share with others our struggles or what God has brought us through?!
So many Christians I have observed try to sweep under the rug the tough times... put on their smiles for church... and tell everyone they are "Fine!"
Isn't it in our weakness that God is strong and glorified?!
Isn't it in the trials that we learn the most?
Isn't it in the hard times that we grow into the person that God is shaping us to be?
Why then would we want to hide that from others?
God has put us here to come together and share in each others joys and sorrows... our laughter and tears... our ups and downs... our times of famine and our times of feast! God gave us friendships to help us to see that we are not alone in this world! And that your friend might be going through the same exact think that you have. If we hide the struggle we loose out on blessing that friend with encouragement and love! We miss out on crying on each others shoulder and knowing we are not alone! We miss out on opportunities to laugh together til our sides hurt! And most important we miss out on building lasting relationships that edify the Lord!
Friday, July 16, 2010
It's OFFICIAL!!!
So after much contemplation I have finally caved and started a blog!!
I am hoping and praying that this will be a spot that I can share what God is doing in my life and maybe in some way encourage someone in the process!
I recently went back through all my emails from when I went to India in 2008 and was amazed at what God all did while I was there. I grew so much! I couldn't always see it during the process though... I remember some days being so painful and heartbreaking...
Like the day I was supposed to go to a wedding and found out one of the little babies that had been at the hospital had passed away earlier that morning... knowing that I could have possibly saved that little one from a death of dysentery hurt so bad. It was through that time God reminded me that not only was this precious little one not in pain anymore but even more so she was home sitting in her Daddy's arms being held for the first time by someone who loved her more than anything!
Its those memories that I want to remember by writing this blog... and to encourage others with the many things I think about, ponder, struggle with and praise God for! I pray this will be iron sharpening iron with someone! And though some day I will not feel like writing or want to remember the pain of things... just knowing that I touched one person's life will be worth it all! So if you think you would like to hear more please join! I look forward to you reading but even more so your comments back and how God is working in your life as well!!
~What do I know of Holy~
I am hoping and praying that this will be a spot that I can share what God is doing in my life and maybe in some way encourage someone in the process!
I recently went back through all my emails from when I went to India in 2008 and was amazed at what God all did while I was there. I grew so much! I couldn't always see it during the process though... I remember some days being so painful and heartbreaking...
Like the day I was supposed to go to a wedding and found out one of the little babies that had been at the hospital had passed away earlier that morning... knowing that I could have possibly saved that little one from a death of dysentery hurt so bad. It was through that time God reminded me that not only was this precious little one not in pain anymore but even more so she was home sitting in her Daddy's arms being held for the first time by someone who loved her more than anything!
Its those memories that I want to remember by writing this blog... and to encourage others with the many things I think about, ponder, struggle with and praise God for! I pray this will be iron sharpening iron with someone! And though some day I will not feel like writing or want to remember the pain of things... just knowing that I touched one person's life will be worth it all! So if you think you would like to hear more please join! I look forward to you reading but even more so your comments back and how God is working in your life as well!!
~What do I know of Holy~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)